


Assorted Pieces of Fanon: Swan Queen Edition

by holdouttrout



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: 31 Days of Swan Queen Fanon, Angst, Crack, F/F, Fairy Tale Elements, Ficlet Collection, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-09 22:53:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 13,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6927220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdouttrout/pseuds/holdouttrout
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is where I'm putting most (if not all) of the ficlets I wrote for the 2016 31 Days of Swan Queen Fanon. A couple of them are as short as 100 words. A couple are over 1,000 words. It's a grab bag, is what I'm saying. MOST of them are fluffy. They tend to get longer throughout the month.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Move

**Author's Note:**

> March 1: Who makes the first move? How does it go?

"How about getting dinner this Friday?" Regina said.

Distracted, Emma said, "Yeah, that sounds good." She frowned into her bag. She knew her keys were around here somewhere. "This is why clothes are supposed to have pockets," she grumbled. Her new jeans suffered from pockets that were barely large enough to hold one key, let alone the three hundred she needed these days. 

Regina ignored the comment and said, "I was thinking we could go out. La Folie?"

"The french place?" Emma said, her attention caught. The first time they'd gone to La Folie, Emma had protested--up until her first bite of Blanquette de Veau.

Regina rolled her eyes. "Yes, the french place. Is that a yes?" 

"Well--"

Regina sighed. "I'm buying."

"Then yes." Had she checked the side pocket yet? "Hey, you know, Henry would say that if you're paying, then this is a date." She found her keys and straightened up to waggle her eyes at Regina, only to find Regina stock-still, a terrifyingly blank expression on her face.

"Wait," Emma said slowly, "is this a date? You were asking me out? Like, out out?"

Regina didn’t so much as blink. "Would you have said no?"

"Um…" Emma tried to think and instead found herself saying, "No." Oh. Okay, then.

Regina squared her shoulders and said, "Of course I was asking you on a date," she said. "I’ll pick you up at seven."

Emma caught the lie but didn't call her on it, too busy wondering what the hell she was going to wear.


	2. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 2: Who is the first to find out about them and how?

Henry spent a lot of time around his moms, which made him something of an expert on them, and they were acting… weird. Weirder than usual. At least, he thought so, although apparently his grandparents hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary. They were not the most observant people in the town, true, but you would think they would be on the lookout for suspicious behavior, given their history and the likelihood of plotting by magic users in this place.

Even more frustrating to Henry was that he couldn't quite put his finger on what was different about Emma and Mom. They were spending a lot of time together, but they always spent a lot of time together. They weren't fighting a lot, but they still argued about things, and that seemed perfectly normal. They had a tendency to stop talking abruptly when he walked into the room, but… well, that could be for any number of reasons, from official town business to official grown-up gossip.

So because he didn't have anything definitive, he resorted to the tried and true tactic of the stakeout, spending as much time as possible observing them. It had been two days of pretending to study in the kitchen while his mom made dinner and Emma "helped," or pretending to read in the living room where he could just barely see and hear their discussion in the study, or, like now, pretending to write in the diner but really keeping them both in his line of sight.

The two of them were in a booth, sitting next to each other. They were arguing about reports from the Sheriff’s office.

It was terribly boring, and Henry had almost decided to call it a night when he saw it.

Emma reached over Mom to point something out, and when she moved back, she almost put her hand on Mom's arm. Just before she did, though, Mom jerked her arm away, looking up. Emma started, and then drew her hand back into her lap, looking around at the diner--Henry quickly lowered his eyes to his paper again. When he looked up, they were just looking at each other, just for a second, but that? That was weird.

And suddenly he knew what was different, because he'd seen this before--the aborted touch, the long looks. They'd acted exactly the same way when he hadn't had his memories, only then it had been Mom forgetting she wasn't supposed to hug him.

Because she loved him.

And they'd had a secret.

Henry smiled.


	3. Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 3: When was the moment Regina realized she was in love?

It wasn't any one moment. 

Well, there was a moment where Regina looked up from her desk, saw Emma, and thought, "I'm in love with her," but it came after so many tiny moments--little smiles that made her melt, casual touches that made her heart race--that Regina was barely surprised by the thought.

She was in love with Emma Swan. 

She should have been panicking or disturbed. Instead, she was filled with warmth from head to toe. She felt like laughing, or like she could climb a mountain. She felt like saying it out loud, but as she registered that thought, it was as if she was doused with a bucket of ice water. 

Emma looked up from her lunch. Catching sight of Regina's expression, she said, "Is something wrong?"

Regina shook her head and aimed for a more neutral demeanor. "No. Just thinking about… just thinking."

Emma smiled and nudged her foot with her own. "Well, I was thinking that we should really see if we can get a different movie at the theater. Thirty years of "Pirates of Penzance" seems like enough, doesn't it?"

Regina shoved down her emotions. Now was not the time for hasty declarations. She forced a smile. "I don't know. I think it improves after the sixtieth viewing."


	4. Moments 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 4: When was the moment Emma realized she was in love?

Thirty seconds before they were all going to die, Emma kissed Regina. Twenty-five seconds before they were all going to die, Emma's brain caught up with her body and she panicked, her heart seizing. Twenty-one seconds left, and Regina kissed her back. Twenty seconds left, and Emma's heart started beating again.

And then the wave of magic, the flash of light, that swooping feeling that had announced the end of three--now four--curses in Emma's direct experience.

Seventeen seconds before they were all supposed to die, Emma opened her eyes and said. "Uh--I guess that happened?" and offered a sheepish grin.


	5. Texting and Spiders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 5: How do their phone backgrounds look? How about their snapchats? What do their texting conversations look like?

_ Emma: big hairy spider monster on main st r now!!!!!! _

 

_ Emma: im hiding behind a dumpster and i think it hunts by sound _

 

_ Emma: help!!! _

 

_ Emma: nevermind i froze it _

 

_ Emma: or not 911 _

 

_ Emma: shit Regina where are u? _

 

_ Emma: tell h i love him _

 

Regina: Where are you?

 

_ Emma:  _ _ its on 5th and oak now are you coming or not???? _

 

(Several hours later)

 

Regina: Why on earth didn’t you try fire to start with?

 

_ Emma:  _ _ oh excuse me for not being as good at aiming fireballs as you. and yes, regina, I’m fine, thanks for asking _

 

_ Emma:  _ _ why are you texting me anyway? I’m pretty sure the nurses would let you in _

 

Regina: Because your mother is camped outside your room and I don’t feel like enduring another ten minute video of your brother “playing” piano.

 

_ Emma:  _ _ why do you think she’s outside my room in the first place? Just poof yourself in _

  
Regina: On my way.


	6. Socks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 6: What weird habits do they complain about from the other but secretly miss when the other isn’t around?

"I'm not going to make sure my socks are right side out before they're washed!" Emma said.

"Fine, then I'm not going to fold them." Regina crossed her arms.

Emma shrugged. "Fine. It's not like I fold my socks anyway."

Regina's jaw tensed. "Fine," she said.

"Fine," Emma said. 

For three weeks, Regina got a murderous look in her eye whenever she did the laundry. She threw Emma's socks into her basket--unfolded--and pointedly refrained from commenting whenever Emma complained about not being able to find matching socks in her drawer.

Then Emma got herself stuck in another realm--again--for two weeks, and Regina only had two kinds of socks in her laundry, and the lack of irritatingly rolled-up socks just reminded her of Emma and made it impossible to avoid worrying about her. 

So after Emma came back, Regina tried a new tactic: she set Emma's laundry basket on the other side of the room.

Her aim and her attitude about laundry improved dramatically.


	7. First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 7: How does their first kiss go?

It was getting a bit ridiculous. They'd admitted their feelings--in front of several witnesses, including Henry, Snow, Charming, and everyone else who had been in Granny's at the moment (Look, it involved a curse that they could only counteract by telling an uncomfortable truth). They'd gone on not one but two dates, and both of them had gone… well. Better than either of them had expected.

And they still hadn't kissed. 

Their first date, they'd both been put off by the clearly visible face at Henry's bedroom window, not to mention how awkward they felt about the whole thing. The second date had been interrupted by some kind of hell beast--actually, that date had felt much more normal, but the leftover viscera from the beast had put quite the damper on their desire to be within two feet of each other.

Since then, they hadn't been able to get two minutes to themselves without something interfering, or someone… looking at them. 

At this point, Emma wasn't sure if the situation or they themselves were more ridiculous, but she had decided that it was time to rectify both. She stalked down the hallway to Regina's office, hoping that some sort of plan or opportunity would present itself.

She wasn't expecting a hand to grab her and drag her into the nearest storage closet. She was spun into a shelving unit, hard enough she knew she'd bruise, and Regina was in front of her, the bare bulb overhead illuminating her shocked expression.

"What the hell, Regina!" Emma said, rubbing her side.

"I don't know!" Regina said. She looked down at her hands. "I saw you coming and I-- I--" She stopped herself, took a deep breath, and then she straightened up and looked Emma square in the eye, her shock gone, her expression challenging, inviting. 

She took a step closer, her eyes impossibly dark, and Emma's mouth went dry.

"Why were you coming to my office at this time of day?" Regina said, her voice low and husky. She lifted her hand and pressed ever-so-gently into Emma's shoulder, pushing her back into the shelf, right where she'd hit it before.

Emma hissed in pain.

Regina seemed to like that, her mouth parting, wetting her lips with just the tip of her tongue. Regina enjoying her discomfort should probably have disturbed Emma, but she liked it kind of a lot. She tilted her head back a fraction, looking through lowered lids at Regina, trying for inviting and hoping she wasn't hitting porn parody. Regina didn't laugh, so she probably hit close to the mark. Emma reached out for Regina's hips, and Regina closed the distance.

Their kiss made the whole awkward situation worth it and then some. In fact, by the time the kiss ended, Emma was wondering if they could possibly make a map of available storage closets for future reference.


	8. Nostalgia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 8: How do they deal with Henry going to college? Or high school, for that matter? Who is impossible at parent teacher conferences?

It was a good thing they'd gotten the border figured out before this year, because Regina had enough to worry about without adding in angry parents of the newly graduated--kids who were "supposed to be going to college in three days, Madame Mayor, and if you haven't figured out how to fix this curse by then, I'll let you pay his tuition!" 

That had been a fun summer.

Anyway, she was keeping more than busy. She had been put in charge of making sure Henry had everything he needed for his dorm room: sheets, new clothes, lamps, laptop, speakers… The list seemed endless, but Regina was ruthless about figuring out exactly how much space Henry would have and how everything would fit. (She even found a website that showed you exactly how many cubic feet of storage space there were in each different dorm room on campus, not that she was ever going to tell Henry or Emma that.)

Emma and Henry were, predictably, much more interested in planning the road trip on the way there. They spent hours poring over maps, making notes, and checking blogs online for the little diners, roadside attractions, and routes to make it the Best Road Trip of All Time. Regina reminded them they only had a week and that she wasn't going to stay any place dubbed a "watering hole," thank you very much.

About a week before their trip, Henry suddenly became very interested in what he was actually taking to college, and they went through his whole room again, ending up with ninety-five percent the same things. The sticking point was the Book. Henry obviously wanted to take it, but also thought that maybe a big book of fairy tales was a little weird for a guy's dorm room.

So Emma and Regina both spent more than one long night scanning it, page by page, and then compiling the whole thing into a readable format, then double-checking to make sure they got every page. They loaded it on Henry's tablet just before they left, and he spent a good ten minutes hugging them while they both tried not to cry.

When they got in the car to leave, Emma opened the glove compartment and nodded surreptitiously to a box of tissues, and Regina gripped her hand, tight, before Henry got into the car and buckled in.


	9. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 9: How does their first date go?

"Our first date was a disaster," Regina said. She reached up into the cupboard to grab two plates. "You were late, and then Granny's was full and everyone was staring at us."

"No, you're thinking of our second date," Emma countered. She was frowning at the place settings, making the effort to put the forks in the right spots. "That was a disaster, but we went out before that."

"No, we didn't," Regina said.

"Yes, we did! Remember--the clocktower, the walk along the beach, the--"

"That was not a date," Regina said. "We were hunting for a killer!"

"Well, it was a better date than our second, and you kissed me, so I think it should count," Emma said.


	10. Opinions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 10: How does Henry feel about them? Snow? the rest of the town?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mock both Hook and Robin in this one, despite mostly liking them.

Snow frowned. "I don't like it."

David glowered. "I don't either."

Henry shrugged. "Better than Hook."

"Hey!" Hook said.

"It's unnatural," Sleepy said.

Snow gasped, "That's homophobic!"

"Not because of that--because she's the Evil Queen!" Sleepy protested. "Besides, I'm gay."

"You are?" David said. The other dwarves shot him identical scathing looks.

"I don't think you should call my mom the Evil Queen any more," Henry said stiffly.

"I'm not convinced there isn't something afoot here," Granny said, hefting her crossbow. "I'm not blaming your mother," she added, seeing Henry's look. "...Yet," she muttered under her breath.

Everyone turned to Robin, who said, "I'm understandably disappointed, but happy for Regina."

They all rolled their eyes.


	11. Vacation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 11: Where do they go on vacation? Do they bring Henry?

After Regina eliminated a road trip (too cramped), Henry eliminated Disney World (too meta), and Emma eliminated Washington D.C. (too educational), there was really only one possible destination.

Well, actually, there were a whole number of places they could have gone, but they all shared one common feature: warm, sunny beaches.

Emma really couldn't have cared less which warm, sunny beach they were on, although Henry and Regina had picked a city with some acceptable number of museums and art galleries nearby. What mattered to her was that she wasn't in Maine, that she had a drink with an umbrella in her hand, and that she was wearing a giant, floppy hat Henry had bought for her their first day here. (Emma loved it. Regina hated it.)

Well, that and Regina had spent ninety percent of their time on the beach in a tiny black bikini.

If she had to go to a museum or two and pretend to be interested in ancient artwork or giant modern sculptures for a few hours, it seemed like a small price to pay.


	12. Common Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 12: What is something they still can’t agree on?

"But what am I supposed to get her for Christmas!" Mary Margaret wailed. 

Emma looked up from her mug of hot chocolate, eyes wide. "Woah, that's why you've been asking all these weird questions?"

Mary Margaret glared at Emma. "Asking what kind of perfume someone wears is not a weird question."

"Is it when it follows ten other questions about lipstick shades, favorite cheeses, and whether or not Regina likes scented candles." Emma raised an eyebrow.

"Fine," Mary Margaret said. "But I still need to get her something. Something that says, 'I don't find it incredibly weird that you're dating my daughter and I know you really well.'" She accompanied this speech with a beseeching look and a self-conscious wince.

Emma sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Okay, I'll help."

Mary Margaret smiled. "Great! Okay… what kind of movies does she like?"

"Um… thrillers and documentaries."

Mary Margaret scribbled something down on her notepad. "Okay, that's good. What about hobbies?"

"Other than potions, Henry, and--" Emma gave a slight shudder-- "horses?" She tapped a finger against the counter. "She likes hiking."

"Hiking?" Mary Margaret said. "Really?"

Emma shrugged. "I guess. Sometimes Henry goes with her. She dragged me along once but said I talked too much."

"Huh," Mary Margaret said.

Something about the way she said it made Emma's back stiffen. "What?"

"Well, it's just… don't take this the wrong way, but do the two of you have anything in common?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well… you stay up late, and I know she's a morning person. She eats healthy, and you…" Mary Margaret flicked her eyes over Emma's mug. "...don't. She goes hiking. You go running because you think exercise should be done with as quickly as possible. She watches documentaries. You watch romantic comedies--and don't tell me you don't, because I've seen your Netflix queue," she said, forestalling Emma's protest. "Just about the only thing you listed that you share a common interest in is Henry."

"That's not true!" Emma said. "We have plenty in common, like, like…"

Mary Margaret waited. 

Emma racked her brain. "Like… we both like… dogs."

"Dogs. You don't even have a dog!"

"Henry's allergic!"

"He is not!"

"Okay, he's not. But my point still stands. Just because we don't have a dog doesn't mean we're not dog people."

"Emma, be serious."

"Well, why does it matter anyway? We don't have to agree on everything." Actually, she liked that they didn't agree on everything--it would get boring otherwise.

"But what do you do together!?" Mary Margaret said. 

Emma started to make a defense, listing things like saving the town, Henry, quiet downtimes, taking turns on movie nights--but then she decided to go for the low hanging fruit. She just… looked at Mary Margaret and waited. 

It took a few seconds, but Mary Margaret suddenly flushed and threw a napkin at her. "Emma!"

Emma just shrugged and finished the rest of her cocoa, smiling as Mary Margaret finally changed the subject.


	13. Petty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 13: Who is ridiculously inappropriate and how much does the other tolerate it? (or do they switch off?)

Regina knows it's petty. Even Emma has started to give her this look, a look that comes awfully close to saying that Emma's disappointed in her--and Emma doesn't disappoint easily.

She's resolved to be the bigger person. Snow has no filter and can't help leaving openings for innuendo; Regina's taking cheap shots and it isn't really funny anymore, but… there's just something about Snow's expression that makes it all worthwhile.

Because no matter how supportive Snow is, no matter how many times she invites them over for dinner, no matter how many times Snow smiles at her--that open, trusting smile that means everything to Regina, no matter how much she'd like to deny it--, there's always that one tiny moment of discomfort that flickers across Snow's face.

And Regina would be lying if she said she didn't get immense satisfaction out of that, every time.


	14. Willpower only goes so far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 14: Who is more likely to be absolutely intolerable when they’re sick?

"I'm not sick. I'm not sick. I'm not sick."

"You're sick, babe." Emma leaned back on her elbows and watched Regina in the mirror.

A glare--it would have been much more threatening if Regina's eyes hadn't started watering again. She reached over and grabbed a tissue. "Don't call me that. And I am not--" she sneezed. Regina used the tissue and then continued her glare, stabbing a finger at Emma's reflection. "Sick."

"You need to stay home."

"I can't. I have too much to do today. There's the meeting with--" Regina sneezed again. "Damn it."

"Stay home. You can reschedule everything."

"That's not--"

"I'll probably get it, too, you know. If you go in today, then you'll have to rest over the weekend, which means you'll have to be around me when I'm sick." Emma had no delusions about how well she handled being sick--she hated it, and she made everyone around her listen to her whining.

Regina shut her mouth, considered for a moment, and then said, "Hand me my phone."


	15. Dog Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 15: Do they have a pet? Who wants a dog? Cat? Some weird animal Henry picked out? Who shows up one day with a stray?

Emma had always wanted a puppy, but it wasn't too long after Emma moved in that she noticed something.

Dogs loved Regina. 

They couldn't walk down the street without a puppy or five bounding enthusiastically up to her--just her and never Emma, not that she was bitter.

Big dogs also loved Regina, but they were always well-behaved and polite, as if they knew she wouldn't tolerate any misbehavior and were eager to show her how mature they were.

Regina loved them all back, doling out scratches behind the ear and somehow always managing to get them to roll onto their backs for tummy rubs. 

Emma didn't know if Regina would consider actually adopting a dog or not, but she hadn't made up her mind about asking yet. If they did get a dog, she was pretty sure the thing would follow Regina around day and night, as if she was the only person in the world. 

Maybe a cat would be better.


	16. Oblivious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 16: Which of them is ridiculously oblivious about them being more than gal pals (Emma? Regina? both?) and who is hella frustrated about it? What does the latter person/people do?

Regina was not going to be the one to make the first move. For several reasons, but mostly because if Emma didn't see what was going on here, she wasn't ready for a move to be made. At first, given how oblivious Emma was, Regina wondered if she was seeing something that wasn't there. Sure, they spent a lot of time together. Sure, Emma kept bringing her gifts--things she just happened to pick up because they reminded her of Regina. Sure, Emma looked like a kicked puppy when Regina snapped at her sometimes. But maybe Emma was just that affectionate. 

But Regina knew when someone wanted her. It was arrogant, yes, but she knew the difference between appreciation and desire, and Emma definitely desired her. Her eyes lingered. She leaned in closer to her sometimes than she did to Snow, her own mother. And she flirted back when Regina made thoughtless comments.

So Emma was either not ready, or she really was an idiot.

Sometimes this latter theory seemed the most likely. Like today at lunch, when Emma said:

"Oh, Henry said he has a school project, so he's going over to Michelle's house tonight--I called her parents already, it's totally above-board--so if you want to cancel our dinner... you know."

"As you are already aware, you are welcome to come over without Henry," Regina said. For Pete's sake, it wasn't like they never spent time alone together. In fact, they had a standing date (Regina refused to delude herself about it no matter how oblivious Emma was) on Tuesdays, when Henry's writing group met. And they had lunch together every day. Clearly, Regina had no problem being around Emma, so why she'd think that the only reason she invited Emma to dinner on Fridays was for Henry was beyond her.

Emma grinned, her shoulders relaxing. "Well, I don't like to assume."

Regina sighed. "Fine. Bring wine."

That settled, Regina finished the rest of her work day, occasionally wondering if Emma was ever going to figure it out. Maybe she needed to make it really, really obvious, she thought, eyeing her wardrobe. Maybe if her shirt was unbuttoned enough--but no, even if she left it completely unbuttoned, Emma would probably just assume she was overheated and ask if she wanted Emma to grab her a different shirt from upstairs. 

Screw it. She was tired of playing games--it was time for a week off. She pulled her hair back and threw on a long T-shirt and leggings that almost managed to be pants. Barefoot, she went back down to the kitchen to finish dinner.

When the doorbell rang, Regina had just taken dinner out of the oven.

Opening it, she found Emma on the other side, dressed in her usual shirt-and-jeans combo, her hair loose and still half-curled. Emma looked her up and down and frowned.

"Are you feeling okay?"

Regina felt her eyebrows rise. "Do I look sick?"

"It's just…" Emma hesitated. "You're usually more… dressed up."

"Is there something wrong with what I'm wearing?" Regina snapped.

"No! No, I just--you look fine." Emma thrust a bottle of wine at her. "It's a blend, but it should be good."

Regina took the bottle. "I'm sure it's fine," she said. Emma, for all her faults, had excellent taste in wine.

She turned back toward the kitchen, and Emma followed after closing the door and removing her own shoes. Emma took down two wine glasses just in time for Regina to pour.

"Dinner's ready--I thought we'd just eat in here tonight. Can you grab the plates and bring them over?"

Emma gave her another weird look, but said, "Sure." Regina wondered what the look was for but decided to let it go. She was tired of noticing every little thing. Besides, the food was good and her wine was excellent and even though Emma apparently wasn't all that talkative tonight either, the silence didn't seem oppressive or awkward. 

About halfway through dinner, Emma said, "So, felt like a casual night in tonight?"

Regina shrugged. "It's been a long week."

Emma sighed. "Tell me about it." That was usually her cue to start a long, rambling complaint about something going on that week, and Regina settled in for the duration. She was so used to this routine that it took her a minute or so to realize that Emma wasn't elaborating and look up. Emma was looking at her, a thoughtful expression on her face.

"Is there a problem?" Regina asked.

Emma shook her head. "No, just wondering why we don't do this more often."

"We have dinner all the time," Regina said, confused.

"I mean, like this. All casual. I just… it normally feels like an event, you know?"

"Does it?" she said, surprised. She thought about dinners back home--elaborate meals with platters and courses and wine glasses filled continuously by discreet servants. Once she'd actually learned how to cook here, she hadn't missed most of the trappings of those meals, had felt free to do away with any number of etiquette rules about place settings, but she'd always liked the structure of a meal. 

Emma was still watching her. "Yeah, you know, getting out the good dishes, admiring your centerpiece, having like... three different forks."

Regina gave a short laugh. 

Emma smiled back. "I don't mean it's not nice, but this feels… cozy. Less like I'm a guest, and more like… a friend."

"We are friends," Regina said, a little stung despite knowing that Emma had been the one to first claim friendship. 

"I know," Emma said. She took a sip of wine. "I was just surprised by tonight."

"Well, it's not as if this is a sleepover," Regina said sharply. "I'm still not braiding your hair."

Emma threw her head back and laughed, and Regina couldn't help but smile, couldn't help but think that this was it for her. First loves and soul mates and Emma Swan. The thought was almost certainly showing on her face, and Regina struggled to banish it before Emma finished laughing, before she opened her eyes, and she almost managed it--

But Emma's eyes opened, and silence reigned in the kitchen, Emma staring back at Regina, Regina daring to hope but not believing it would be this easy--

Emma let go of her wine glass and stood. She was going to make her excuses and leave, and Regina felt the first shadow of humiliation. She looked down at her lap, waiting to hear Emma walk away.

One step, and Emma was in front of her. She leaned over and placed her hands the arms of Regina's chair, on either side of her.

"Am I reading this right?" Emma asked, and Regina knew exactly how brave she was being by how her voice rasped. 

Regina swallowed and then said, "Yes, finally."

"Finally? How long--" Emma shook her head. "You know, you could have said something."

"Like you did?" Regina countered, wondering if Emma was ever going to actually kiss her or if she was going to talk all night.

"Until tonight, I was sure you thought we were _friends_ ," Emma said. 

"Emma, friends don't have a standing weekly date."

"Well, yeah, but standing weekly dates aren't usually in a flippin' formal dining room. Between that and your usual armor, I really thought you were trying to keep me at arm's length."

Regina said, "Armor? I was trying to seduce you. I was under the mistaken impression that sweats and a ratty old T-shirt wouldn't do it." She scanned Emma's outfit again, being sure to make her appreciation of the way Emma's shirt was gaping clear. "I admit that might have been a miscalculation on my part."

"I'm not saying I didn't appreciate the effort," Emma said. "Now, can I kiss you or would you like to argue about which one of us was more oblivious some more?"

Regina couldn't let that stand. "I was not _oblivious_ , I--" 

Emma cut her off with a kiss.


	17. Collateral Damage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 17: What is their first fight about? How do they deal with it? Are there angry texts/calls or do they take space or do they deal especially terribly with it?

Henry wasn't prepared to walk into a war zone when he came home from school, and if he'd known his moms were fighting he would have turned right around and gone to Granny's (after texting them both to let them know, of course). But apparently there was some serious soundproofing on the house, because he had no inkling something was wrong until he opened the front door.

"EMMA SWAN, if you do not put that down right this second I will burn your jacket and throw the ashes off the troll bridge!"

"Oh, this thing?" Emma said, and Henry recognized that tone--Emma was furious. "This looks fragile--or how about this?"

"You are the most childish, irresponsible, immature person I've ever met!"

Emma laughed, but there was no amusement in it. Scary. "Maybe you just think that because you treat me like a child!"

Henry thought that maybe he'd go to Granny's after all and started edging out the door. His backpack caught the frame, swung wildly around his torso, and dropped to the floor with a loud clunk.

There was instant silence.

"Henry?" his mom said, her voice much quieter, her tone conveying fear.

Henry cleared his throat. "Uh, yeah. I'm home."

He took a couple of steps until he could see them both in the living room. Emma had something small in her hand, and she was holding it up above her head. Regina's posture said she wanted to crush someone's head. Both their faces were frozen in identical expressions of horror and embarrassment. 

It might have been funny except for the part he'd overheard.

"Um," he said, "I'm going to go do my homework."

"Okay," Mom said, her voice small. 

He walked up the stairs and into his room, closing his door. He took out his books and sat at his desk, pretending to read about the fall of Rome and instead listening for any hint of noise from downstairs. 

Twenty minutes later, there was a knock at his door.

"Come in!" He said. He swung around. Both Emma and Regina came in and sat on the edge of his bed, facing him.

"Henry, I'm sorry you overheard that," Regina said. 

Henry, who had intended to shrug and say it didn't matter, instead said, "Do you fight like that a lot?"

Regina shook her head. "That was the first time, actually. And the last," she said, catching his eyes.

"How can you say that for sure?" Henry said. He looked at Emma, whose eyes were red as if she'd been crying.

"Because I won't be so stupid again," Emma said. 

"And when she is--" Regina said pointedly, giving Emma a quelling look when it looked like Emma might protest. "When she is, I'll handle it a bit differently."

"And when she doesn't, I'll just… go somewhere else for a while," Emma said.

"And if she doesn't, I will," Regina said, with a tone of finality.

"And if that doesn't work," Henry said, feeling more than a little better now that he knew they'd actually talked about things, "I'll just go to Granny's and send Grandma to knock some sense into you both."

Emma shuddered. Regina narrowed her eyes at him. 

Henry smiled.


	18. Marriage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 18: Do they get married? Is there a proposal? How would that go (or not go)?

They were in the middle of dessert when Regina said, casually, "Emma, has your mother talked to you about getting married?"

Emma choked on her mousse and spent a few seconds clearing her airway before she could respond. "What?"

"Married," Regina said, still overly calmly, as if she was reading a weather report.

"Uh…" Emma said, her eyes darting side to side as if searching for an escape route. "She… might have mentioned it once or twice. In passing. Why?"

"Because she mentioned it to me," Regina said. "In fact, she intimated that you'd been having quite a lot of discussions about it recently." Her voice still projected an outward calm, but her eyes were telling a different story.

"Oh," Emma said. "Well, you see--" she said, faltering beneath Regina's gaze. "She's obsessed!" Emma collapsed back into her chair, throwing up her hands. "I don't know why she's gotten it in her head all of the sudden, but she keeps hinting and showing me pictures of dresses--and _suits_ \--and flower arrangements, and it seemed easier to just nod and smile instead of telling her--again, I might add--that we're not getting married!" 

Emma finished this rant, blinked, and then added, hurriedly, "Assuming we're still not planning to get married."

"Well, I'm certainly not planning to get married," Regina said, although there was a hint of a smile on her face now.

"Okay, good," Emma said, firmly. "Because otherwise I'm way behind on saving up for an engagement ring."


	19. Crimes of Fashion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 19: What do they dress up as for Halloween/idk whatever holiday they celebrate which involves dressing up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, I wrote a fluffy crackfic for Halloween already, and I've been trying to think of another scenario, but… okay, here. Have a weird bit about coats? IDK.

"I can't decide between my navy blue and my charcoal grey coats," Regina said, standing in front of the hall closet.

"Don't you have a black one?" Emma said. Even as she said it, she knew it was the wrong thing to say. Sure enough, the look Regina directed her way was scorching.

"My black coat has a belt with a silver buckle," Regina said, the derision in her tone dripping from the simple statement. "Pardon me if I think it could be a bad idea to have a reflective surface anywhere on my body when breaking into someone's home."

Regina was a little miffed that they were breaking into said house, thinking that Emma should have just gotten a warrant. Since they had no real evidence, though, Emma had convinced her that attempting to procure a warrant was useless. Hence, the late-night stealth reconnaissance. 

"Regina, we are breaking into a house, not defining the color palate for the fall season," Emma said. "Just pick a coat already and let's go."

"Fine," Regina said. "But if we get caught I'm going to make sure you get the crappy cell."


	20. Worth It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 20: How do they deal with significant time apart?

"Okay, okay, I think I remembered my password." Emma tucked her phone into the crook of her neck and typed in the letters and numbers from the sticky she'd finally found on the bottom of the drawer.

"Honestly, it's not even worth it at this point. I only have a few minutes--"

Emma's computer burbled with a happy online sound and then a little burble that meant Regina was online. Emma went to click on her name but a window popped up asking if she wanted the video call.

She accepted and Regina was suddenly there, frowning, but her expression softening as she saw Emma. 

"Worth it," Emma said happily. 

"I absolutely have to leave in eight minutes," Regina replied. 

"Still worth it," Emma said.

"I'm going to have to get changed while we talk." Regina stood up and moved away from the camera but didn't move out of view. She unbuttoned her shirt, revealing a black, lacy bra that Emma was particularly fond of.

"Definitely worth it," Emma said.


	21. Co-op

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 21: Is there a jealous one- as either friends or partners? How do they both cope with that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO not what this prompt was going for.

Henry's voice wafts out of the living room. "Okay, so you just need to pick that up--yeah, perfect--and then take it over--right!"

Even without seeing him, Regina can tell he's practically vibrating with excitement. 

"Okay, now just flip that switch, but get ready because--oh, ouch!"

"Noooo!" Emma moans dramatically. "That's not fair! I didn't have time to react at all!"

"Well, you'll get another chance," Henry says, obviously placating his mother.

Regina wonders if he's patting her on the arm and stifles a smile. 

"Maybe you should do it for me," Emma says, her voice moving toward flattery. "You're so good at this."

"Nice try, Ma," Henry says, scorn evident in every word. "You need to practice so we can play the co-op later."

"But it's scary," Emma whines. 

"Use your fire weapon and just keep shooting it--here you go!"

There's a few moments of loud noises from the TV and nothing from the two sitting in front of it, and Regina moves silently down the hall until she can see the two of them, both focused on the game and some truly gruesome cartoon violence that honestly looks a little too real for her comfort. They're side-by-side, and Henry's tucked himself into Emma like she's still taller than he is.

The on-screen violence abates and Henry and Emma give each other a casual high-five before Emma makes her figure race around the screen and pick up loot that the bad guy dropped. 

"You barely lost any health that time," Henry says.

Emma grins and takes a moment to reach up and ruffle Henry's hair. "You're a good coach."

Henry ducks his head away but then comes back and nudges Emma's side with his own. 

Regina, watching them from the doorway, feels that familiar pang at how easy they are together. Emma's all easy affection, totally approachable, and no matter how Regina has tried she's always been just a little reserved with him.

She knows it's partly just their differing personalities, their styles, and it bothers her less these days; she has strengths that Emma doesn't, jokes that Emma doesn't know, questions that Henry brings to her. It's still hard to wish she had what Emma has with her son.

And then Emma sees her and smiles. "Hey! Did you see that?" Henry looks up, too, and he practically beams at her. 

"I did. What's this game rated again?" Regina says.

Henry suddenly looks shifty and Emma gives her a sheepish grin but doesn't answer the question, instead saying, "You want to take a turn?"

Regina hesitates. Contrary to expectations, she plays a little, but she knows that her taking a turn will mean Henry and Emma have to go back to the beginning and basically start over. She shakes her head. "No, but I'll watch for a while."

Henry says, "Okay, Mom, but you can't complain about the magic. You ruined the last game."

Regina sniffs. "That system made no sense. It was internally inconsistent!" She crosses to the sofa and sits directly behind Emma.

Emma groans. "Now you've done it--do you know how many times I had to listen to that rant after you went to bed?"

It was once, but Regina just says, "If you're going to play a game with such a badly designed system, then you deserve to hear about it from someone who knows."

Emma just shakes her head. "Grab your controller, kid, and let's get this show on the road." Before the action picks up, she reaches back and wraps a hand around Regina's ankle, briefly, and Regina knows Emma saw something on her face she meant to hide. She appreciates the gesture and leans back, content for now to watch.


	22. Surprise Opposition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 22: Who is secretly the Number One Swan Queen shipper? Who is anti af about it? How do they meddle? How do our girls react to that?

Almost everyone takes it pretty well. Snow's visibly shaken and Charming gets a funny look on his face like he wants to hit something before going to pour himself a drink--but they both manage to reason their way through it and offer them strained smiles before a few days have passed.

Everyone else in town mostly just gossips about it behind their backs.

It's Henry who turns out to be the problem, and it blindsides them both. 

"No," he says, looking between them, his eyes wide like he's just found out they kill puppies for fun. "You can't."

They blink at him, and then at each other. 

"But… why not?" Emma asks him, finally. 

Henry struggles to put it into words, but the boy author who usually knows just what to say is defeated by his emotions, and he finally says, "You just can't," and runs to his room.

Baffled, Regina and Emma turn to each other.

"What was that about?" Regina asks.

No answer is forthcoming. Over the next week, every time one of them tries to talk to Henry, he clams up, refusing to say another word.

It's miserable. 

Finally, during Emma's night shift at the Sheriff's station, a shivering Henry appears at her door.

"Henry!" Emma drops everything and runs over. "Did you walk here? Does your mom know where you are?"

Henry shakes his head. "That's not important. You can't--you can't date my mom."

Emma pulls Henry into the room, pushes him into a chair and grabs a folded blanket from the corner. She drapes it around him. "Let me call your mom and then we'll talk about that, okay?"

She goes into her office and makes the call, watching Henry the whole time. He looks more frightened than anything, and she keeps her voice low, securing a promise to come but not too quick.

When she goes back out, Henry's stopped shivering. She grabs another chair and sits down, facing him.

"Okay, kid. Tell me why your mom and I can't date."

"Because--because you'll just end up hurting her!" Henry's words come out in a rush. He looks apologetic, but doesn't take it back.

His certainty stings more than a little; Emma herself has wondered if she's doomed to hurt Regina, intentionally or not. She doesn't have a good track record, after all, and it doesn't surprise her that Henry picked up on it.

Emma sighs and wonders what the hell she's supposed to say to him. 

She's silent for so long that Henry says, in the smallest voice she's ever heard from him, "Aren't you going to tell me you won't?"

Emma looks him in the eye, this kid who has always insisted on the truth, and says, "I'm going to do everything I can to make sure I don't."

She can see Henry struggle with that, knowing it's not the guarantee he wants. Guarantees are hard to come by, and Henry's too old now to accept one anyway.

"That's not good enough," Henry says, but there's no real vitriol in it.

Emma says, "I know it's not." She pushes him gently on the shoulder. "Sadly, I don't think anyone short of my parents could promise better."

Henry does smile at that, a little. 

Emma stretches and looks at the clock. "Your mom should be here soon. You should start working on your apology for sneaking out of her house in the middle of the night. Again."

Henry flushes. 

"And next time you need to talk to me, think about using the phone. The one kid in America who doesn't like texting," Emma grumbles. "And--one more thing. You don't have to like that we're dating, but could you give your mom a break about it? At least a little? It's stressing her out."

Henry hesitates and nods. "Yeah. I'm… I'm sorry," he says. He stands and tackles her into a hug. Emma hugs him back, ignoring the tears pricking at her eyes in favor of holding him tight for just a little longer.


	23. Lottery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 23: Do they have children? Naturally, magically? Do they adopt? Foster? Tell me everything.

"Wait, wait," Regina said, more than a bit breathlessly.

Emma, who moments before had been thinking things like _finally_ , and _god, yes_ , barely managed to bite back a groan of disappointment. Of course Regina had come to her senses.

"Sorry," she said as she sat back on her heels, still straddling Regina's thighs, not quite ready to move and not feeling particularly sorry, either.

But Regina didn't look inclined to move, either. She was still breathing hard and was giving Emma her _you idiot_ look. "No, I don't mean you should _stop_ , just--I need to tell you something."

"You want to talk _now_?" Emma said, then wished she hadn't as Regina's expression hardened. 

"No, Miss Swan, I don't want to talk now. But I need to tell you that you could get pregnant if we have sex and thought that maybe that's something you'd want to know beforehand!"

Emma, who had honestly glazed over a bit at 'Miss Swan', snapped abruptly back to herself. "Wait. What?"

"If we have sex, you could get pregnant."

Emma couldn't help but take a quick glance down Regina's body--still nicely on display. "That seems… unlikely."

"Oh, it is," Regina said, seriously. "But magic has its own rules about this sort of thing."

"Are you--you're saying that because we have magic, you and I could end up making a baby?" Emma said, barely recognizing her own voice for how high it was. "I mean, that's nuts! That's more nuts than dwarves and glass slippers and portals and Peter Pan!"

"All of which are very real," Regina pointed out.

Emma had one horrible moment where she briefly considered that maybe she was actually, literally crazy, and this was all the product of her damaged mind. It wasn't a new thought, but it hadn't occurred to her recently. 

She gaped at Regina and then she thought, no, her life really was just that weird.

She closed her mouth and her eyes. "Just… how likely is it?"

Regina let out a breath. "Judging from the literature, the chances of magical parthenogenesis are approximately the same as winning the lottery by getting all six numbers. Very, very, very small, in other words. Almost, but not quite, nonexistent."

Emma opened her eyes again. "Okay… so, it has happened."

"Yes."

"How many times?"

"Once in recorded history. Well, maybe twice, but most people think the second was a girl trying to cover up an affair with a married man," Regina said.

"That seems like a lot," Emma said. "I mean, how many lesbian witches were there in the Enchanted Forest? And how do we know there aren't more magical lesbian pregnancies?"

Regina shifted uncomfortably. "Do you want the long, boring, slightly uncomfortable answer or the short one?"

"I don't know," Emma said honestly. "Will either of them make me feel better?"

Regina regarded her carefully and said, "The short answer is that magic like that doesn't go unnoticed, and there was a very talented witch who was obsessed with statistics and did a lot of math."

Emma digested that for a minute before deciding that no, she didn't need to know more about data collection methods, thank you. "And is there any kind of magical contraception to prevent magical lesbian pregnancies?"

Regina bit her lip. "No."

"Oh," Emma said. She wondered, if she'd know all this several months ago, when she was just starting to thinking about the possibility of a relationship with Regina, if it would have changed anything. Probably not.

"Emma?" Regina said, so softly that Emma almost didn't hear her.

"I had a foster mom who was obsessed with the lottery," Emma said, focusing just above Regina's head, not sure she could marshal her thoughts if she was actually looking at Regina. "She bought a ticket every day. I lived with her for over a year, and she never missed buying that ticket. She was convinced that she'd win someday, and that she wouldn't need to work at her crappy job or take in ungrateful kids any more."

"Oh, Emma," Regina said.

Emma shook her head. "Not the point. The point is, she never won. Not more than ten bucks, anyway. Even if she had, she probably would have blown it all and ended up just as badly off as before." She took a deep breath and continued, "But if for some reason the universe decided that it would be hilarious for us to end up with a magical lesbian pregnancy, I don't think that would be a terrible outcome. Weird. Inconvenient. Really, really weird, but not bad."

Emma finally risked a look at Regina. Her eyes were watery but she was smiling, so Emma leaned down and kissed her, just a brush of her lips. 

"So," she said, "is there anything else you need to make sure I know about before I pick up where we left off?"


	24. Sex Pollen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 24: Which ridiculous trope is the one they wind up in? (I'll give you a hint: it's sex pollen, so possibly dubious consent.)

"Regina, we've been walking around the woods for three hours, and so far we haven't come across anything more magical than an admittedly very gnarly tree stump." Emma said, her tone much closer to whining than she liked.

"Considering the rash of public nudity and violence we've been having, and that the only connection seems to be this section of the woods, I'm not ready to give up yet." Regina pushed a branch out of her way and held it while Emma passed.

"I'm just saying that maybe we don't have enough information yet to say for sure that whatever's causing this is in the woods. Lots of people go for walks."

"And some of the people who have gone for walks recently have ended up trying to have sex on the waterfront," Regina replied. "So we'll keep looking."

Emma sighed but didn't say anything for a few minutes. She trudged along behind Regina, wondering if Regina would give up when it got dark. She squinted at the sky and then at her watch. It was barely past noon.

Emma suppressed a groan and kept moving. Despite her lack of interest in being there, she did keep an eye out for anything unusual. Who knew? If they found it they could wrap this up and head back to Granny's for a late lunch. Or, if she stopped complaining right now, Regina might offer to make them both lunch at her house. That had actually happened a few times lately. 

Emma decided to be on her best behavior, squared her shoulders, and picked up her pace. At least it wasn't raining anymore. It was still overcast, but warm enough to have left her jacket in the car. This was actually kind of nice, for Maine in the spring.

Ahead of her, Regina clambered around a bend in the trail, a huge boulder blocking her from sight.

Emma stepped around it only to run right into Regina's back. Regina pitched forward and Emma reached out automatically to steady her.

"Sorry, I didn't expect--"

"Emma, don't move," Regina said. 

Emma frowned. She peered around Regina, but as far as she could tell, there wasn't anything unusual there. There was the boulder on one side, the path, and then--

"Oooh," Emma said. On the right side of the path, starting just ahead and spread out for about ten feet or so, was a carpet of flowers: red and black and kinda… pointy. "Those are seriously cool-looking," Emma said.

Regina turned around, and when Emma saw how pale she was, she knew something was wrong.

"So I'm guessing those flowers are bad news?" 

Regina cleared her throat. "You could say that. That is an infestation of heart's dagger. That… would explain everything."

"So those flowers cause people to drop trou?" Emma said, trying to lighten the mood.

Regina said, "The pollen evokes a strong emotional reaction. Usually lust mixed with jealousy. It takes a while to set in once inhaled." She was avoiding Emma's gaze. "And we've both been exposed already."

"Judging by your expression, that's not good."

"Not unless you _wanted_ to end up stripping in Granny's tonight," Regina said dryly. 

"Well, I've stripped in worse places," Emma quipped, smirking as Regina just sighed. "So… it takes a while to set in. Do we have time to clear this stuff out?"

Regina nodded. "Fire will kill it, and then we'll freeze the ground to take out any roots."

Emma had to admit throwing fireballs at things was kinda fun. Less fun was making sure the fire didn't spread--and the smell from the burning plants was retched. But once all the bits of flower carpet were charcoal, Regina was satisfied and they froze the ground a la Snow Queen.

"Do you think there's any more of that stuff around here?" Emma asked.

Regina said, "I hope not, but we don't have time to waste looking for it now. I'm… starting to feel the effects," she said.

Now that Regina had said something, Emma noticed that she felt a little… weird. Aroused, actually. "Oh," she said, sort of stupidly, but she had just realized Regina was saying she felt the same way, and that… didn't help. "Me, too," she said, trying for nonchalance. 

The look Regina shot her, whatever it meant, also didn't help. Emma shifted from one foot to the other. 

"So, we should probably poof home, right? I mean, you probably have an antidote or something, right?"

Regina shook her head. "No antidote for this. Just time." She licked her lips. 

Goddamn. 

"Well, we should probably go home anyway," Emma said. "I mean, get away from people?" What she really meant was get away from you.

"Henry might be there," Regina said. "And you can't go to your apartment," she said, unnecessarily for once. The last place Emma wanted to be like this was around her mother, father, and her infant sibling. She was staring at Emma now, and Emma was just barely managing to not squirm, trying desperately to think about other options. 

"Your vault," Emma said. "You could go to your vault."

"Yes," Regina breathed, only instead of poofing herself away she stepped close to Emma and grabbed her arm, and when she poofed, she took Emma with her.

The shock of the change in scenery seemed to clear both their heads. They both took a step back, and Emma was fairly sure her own expression mirrored Regina's shocked one. 

"You brought me along," Emma said.

Regina said, "I didn't think--" She ran a hand through her hair. "You should go."

Emma nodded. "Maybe… maybe back to the woods?"

"What if someone else goes for a walk?" Regina said.

"I don't want to see anyone while I'm like this," Emma said fervently. "I can't think of anywhere else to go--"

Regina closed her eyes. "God help us," she said. "We'll have to stay here." She took Emma's arm and Emma nearly jumped out of her skin. "I need your help with something," she said, dragging Emma to the stairs. "We need to seal ourselves off down here, make sure we can't get out. If we both do the barrier spell, then we'll need to work together to bring it down."

Emma nodded her understanding, and they set to work. The main problem with that, Emma found, was that working with magic often felt… sensual. Today, she felt every point of connection, every caress of the magic that twined around hers.

The barrier went up. 

Emma staggered back. "Oh, my god," she said, panting.

Regina looked only slightly less dazed. "Keep ahold of yourself, Miss Swan," she said. 

"Right, just… oh my god." She tried to remember the last time she'd been this turned on and thought that maybe, that one time with Neal, but they'd both been high on adrenaline, fresh from nearly getting caught stealing about ten boxes of Ho Hos--and oh my god, they'd been so young.

"Quite," Regina said.

"How… how long will this last?" Emma asked.

"I think a few hours at most."

"Hours?" Emma said. "We have to stay here for hours? Together? Like this?"

"Unless you'd rather wander down Main Street."

Emma shuddered.

"If there's someone in town you--"

"No," Emma said, flatly. 

"Good--" Regina cleared her throat. "I mean, me, neither."

Emma tried, she really did, but she could not look away from Regina, who was staring back at her, eyes dark, the buttons on her shirt straining with each breath. 

"What are we going to do?" Emma said, and wished she hadn't, because she suddenly had quite a few ideas. Ideas that involved taking off their clothes and propping Regina against a wall to steady her while Emma licked her way down her body. Ideas that involved mouths and fingers and led to awkward discussions and fuck, this could not happen.

Regina licked her lips. Oh, fuck her. Emma concentrated so hard on ignoring what that gesture did to her that she almost missed what Regina was saying.

"...three options. We can sit here and… suffer. We can also use ingredients from my cabinet to create a potion that will knock us out for several hours--though I'm a little worried it might not mix well with the pollen. Or we can give in and fuck each other's brains out."

Emma heard a whine--quite a different kind of whine from when they were walking in the woods earlier, but still coming from her throat.

Regina took a step closer to her. 

Emma took a step back. She swallowed hard. "If it weren't for those flowers, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

Regina took another step forward. "Maybe not."

Emma stepped backward, her back hitting the wall and nearly unbalancing her completely. "Maybe?"

Regina took a tiny step back. "Maybe we would be having this conversation either way."

"Would we?" Emma said, keeping herself planted right where she was.

"Maybe it was just a matter of time," Regina said. She took another step back.

Emma didn't want her so far away, but she didn't move. "Do you mean that?"

Regina nodded even as she stepped back again, and now she was against the wall opposite Emma. "I do not have infinite patience when going after the things I want."

"And you want me," Emma said. 

"Don't sound so surprised, dear," Regina said. "I don't do subtlety well."

"And you think I want you."

Regina smiled. "I _know_ you do."

Emma flushed. 

"And not just because of our predicament," Regina said. "Am I wrong?"

"God, you are so cocky," she said. "And no. You're not wrong."

Regina's smile turned into a full-fledged grin. She lifted a hand and crooked her finger. "Come here."

Emma went.


	25. Dating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 25: Do they ever break up? Why? Do they get back together? How long does it take? Does anyone need to intervene?

They date for about four days before breaking up. 

To be more precise, they start sleeping together several months before they decide they might as well make a go of it, go on a date, end up mad at each other, stew about it for approximately 72 hours, and decide to call the whole thing off.

It's about a week before they sleep together again. 

"I remember now why we gave dating a shot," Emma says. She curls onto her side and faces Regina. Her face is still red, her hair damp with sweat, and in about two minutes she'll feel gross--but right now her body's humming and sated.

Regina hums her own agreement. She's still flat on her back, eyes only half-open, lips curled in a small smile. 

"We should probably just keep doing this," Emma says. "Friends with benefits."

"No," Regina says.

"Right," Emma nods, and then Regina's response catches up to her. "Wait, what?"

"No to friends with benefits," Regina clarifies. "I don't want that."

Emma gapes at her. "But--"

Regina rolls over to face her. "Friends with benefits implies that we're looking for something else and if it happens to come along, we're out. I don't want that. I want to keep doing this and I want to keep doing it for the foreseeable future." She leans in close and says, in a low, throaty voice that she knows does things to Emma, "I want exclusive rights to you."

Emma gets goosebumps. "Oh," she says, stupidly. "Okay."

Regina shifts and suddenly Emma's on her back and Regina's straddling her thighs and feeling like she needs a shower is going to have to wait.

It's not until she's actually in the shower later that she really thinks about what they've just decided. She sticks her head out of the curtain and says, "Regina?"

Regina's smoothing lotion over her legs after her own shower. "Yes?"

"How is this different from dating?" Emma asks.

Regina says, "I'm not dating you again. You're a terrible girlfriend."

"Okay, but--"

"But I liked whatever we were doing before, so that's what we'll do."

Emma can't argue with that.


	26. Henry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 26: How do they deal with Henry dating (if he does! or how do they deal with him not dating)?

As they were finishing lunch, Regina asked, "Does Henry ever talk to you about girls?"

The question startled Emma, coming out of the blue as it did. "Uh…" She thought for a moment. Henry talked about girls in his classes. Girls who were working on group projects. Girls who were on the honor roll, but Emma knew that wasn't what Regina meant. "Not really, no." She hesitated and added, "I haven't heard him talk about boys, either."

Regina frowned, but in a distracted way that meant she wasn't reacting to that last part. "I was wondering if maybe he didn't want to tell me." They'd found that Henry mostly told them both everything, but that he sometimes asked Emma about things first to sound out Regina's reaction. Regina tried not to take it personally. Emma tried to not rub it in.

"Nope," Emma said. "But that's probably normal, right? Who tells their parents about their crushes?"

Regina huffed out a breath of laughter. "Not me."

Emma gave her a half-smile and reached out to brush her arm with her fingers. "He's still pretty young. And hey, if he's not interested, that means fewer opportunities to repeat my stellar history."

"True," Regina allowed. "I just hope he knows he could talk to us about stuff."

"He knows," Emma said, with no small amount of certainty. "Remember how he asked us if we'd ever done drugs?"

Regina's smile indicated that she clearly did remember that conversation, including Emma's fumbling attempts to dodge the question… as well as her surprise when Regina just said, "Yes, and it was quite enjoyable at the time and a very bad idea in retrospect." (Their conversation about it later had been variations on a theme of "Honestly, Emma, have you learned nothing about our son? He's only going to get curious if you try to avoid giving him a straight answer.")

Emma relaxed a bit at Regina's smile. She poked at Regina's arm. "Can you imagine if he came to one of us for dating advice? Talk about the blind leading the blind."

"Oh, god," Regina said, and her frown eased.

"I could get Dad to talk to him," Emma teased. 

"Absolutely not," Regina said. "I'm sure he's doing just fine on his own."


	27. Tradition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 27: What family traditions have they developed?

The first year they actually live together, it's all new. Each holiday comes fraught with things they both take for granted, things they both expect, and things that the other just doesn't think about, care about, or understand.

They do okay with Easter--it's a religious holiday more than anything, and Henry's past egg-hunting, so it's really just a nice lunch and a relaxing day.

It's the Fourth of July that nearly kills them. Regina and Henry have a Tradition. It's sacred. They've Never Missed It. Neither of them thinks about saying anything about it, because it goes without saying.

So of course when Emma makes plans for the three of them to use a tiny cabin on a tiny lake just inside the town limits, buys a ton of fireworks to set off from a rickety boat in the lake, and surprises them with the plan just two days before the holiday, they just… stare at her.

"But…" Henry says, "what about the fair?"

Emma hates the fair. There are clowns. The face she makes is somewhat less than diplomatic. 

Regina gets mad.

Emma's hurt and mad.

Things escalate, leading to Emma vowing to spend the weekend at the cabin, with or without them, and Regina to say that maybe she shouldn't bother to come back if that's how she feels.

Thankfully, Emma calms down enough to show up at the fair (although really, why clowns?) and apologize. And grovel. And win an enormous set of stuffed flamingos for Henry and Regina, which stay in the car while the three of them spend the rest of the weekend dipping their feet in the lake and watching Emma try to light fireworks in the boat without setting herself on fire.

After that, they're a little better prepared for the rest of the year.


	28. Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 28: What do they love most about each other?

Regina hates waiting for Emma. She's always at least two minutes late, which is just long enough for Regina to start thinking about how Emma is late and not long enough to stay mad about. It's also long enough for Regina to starting thinking about other insignificant things Emma does that drive her crazy, like stick glasses on the bottom in the dishwasher, or take off her shoes in the entry but leave one toppled over. 

She can get a pretty long list going in two minutes.

The thing is, when Emma shows up, two minutes late as usual, she just… lights up when she sees Regina, smiling and heading right toward her as if she's the only person that matters. Even if she's worried about something, she relaxes her shoulders and lets out a tiny sigh as if she's come home after a long day of work.

And when weighed against knowing that she does that for Emma, two minutes is nothing.


	29. Opportune Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 29: When was the most opportune time in canon for them to first hook up/date/fall in love?

Finding the hidden room with the storybooks was enough to convince them they were on the right track, but it quickly became apparent that they weren't going to find any easy answers here. As far as they could tell, all the books were blank, and there were no other clues that caught their attention.

Still, they divided the room into thirds to go through each book page by page, agreeing that, for now, this room would be their secret. 

It was, surprisingly, not unpleasant work. Actually looking at each page for hidden marks was tedious, but the three of them found a rhythm that worked well, and kept each other entertained fairly well--Henry could have both Regina and Emma in stitches when he told stories about things that happened at school, and Emma's stories about policing the small town were usually ridiculous enough to be funny. And Regina and Henry, when they got started on comic books or movies… well, Emma felt totally out of her depth, but she liked to listen anyway.

In fact, Emma found herself having such a good time that when she noticed she only had one more shelf left in her section, she was almost disappointed.

That night Henry was sentenced to stay home to work on a school project that he'd been putting off far too long, so it was just Emma and Regina. Unlike previous nights, they'd mostly worked in silence, the turn of the pages the only notable sounds. 

Emma had been stuck on one page for several minutes, her eyes unfocused, staring somewhere into the distance. "Regina," she said before she really thought about what she was going to say. 

Regina didn't look up, but said, "Yes?"

Emma tapped her fingers against the open book in front of her. "What happens if we don't find anything here?"

Regina shrugged, still not looking up. "Read Henry's book again. Maybe there's something else in there. Or check the town library."

"Yeah," Emma said. She frowned at the book. 

"I know it's not a lot to go on, but don't worry, you can quit anytime you get bored," Regina said.

Emma looked up, startled. "No!"

Regina looked a bit taken aback by her vehemence.

Emma said, "I'm not bored." She looked down at the book in front of her. "Okay, I'm not that bored. And this is important. It's just… what happens when we do find this author person?"

"When?"

Emma grinned. "It's us. We'll find him. Or her. Them."

Regina rolled her eyes and said, "Fine. When we find them, we ask them, nicely, if I can please have a happy ending."

"Okay, but… like, what would that be?"

Regina opened her mouth to answer, and then frowned. 

Emma hesitated and then asked, much more quietly, "Do you want Robin back?"

Regina was still for a second, then another, and a third. Emma wasn't sure if she should fear for her life or not, but finally Regina shook her head, the movement so small it barely registered. "I thought I did when I started this, but I couldn't--I can't. Marian--"

She sighed and said, "I have no idea if this plan makes any sense at all, and no plan for if--when--we find him. Maybe we'll find some information about him in a book somewhere, something that tells us what he can do and where he is. Maybe it's a fool's errand. I just want a chance at happiness, something that won't be snatched away again. Maybe he can help. Maybe we won't ever find him. But I have to try."

And Emma picked up her book again. "All right," she said. "That's the plan." She bent over the book, scanning for anything that might help.

As she turned another page, she glanced up to find that Regina was still looking her direction, a strange expression on her face.

"What?" Emma asked.

Regina shook her head. "Nothing," she said, and bent down to her own storybook.

Emma shrugged and went back to looking for clues.


	30. Glass Hills, Audits, and Gold Apples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 30: Which fairytale do you think suits Swan Queen best?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I based this ficlet loosely on the fairy tale The Princess on the Glass Hill, mostly because it was a story that captivated me when I was little. I had lots of questions about it: Why a glass hill? What did the princess think about being set up on this ridiculous hill? Why three gold apples? But I liked that Boots was sort of… weird. And he also got the princess involved in this weird little scheme, only going part of the way up the hill each night and winning her favor anyway. So I definitely thought about Emma as Boots and had to come up with some sort of equivalent glass hill for Regina.

Regina was having the worst week. Audit week was always bad, but Snow's brief stint in the mayor's office had left things a bit more disorganized than usual, and Regina had been chained to her desk trying to clear everything up. There was, however, still no end in sight.

It was late Thursday when Regina sighed, massaged her temples, and felt her stomach growl.

She looked at the clock. Midnight. She'd sent her assistant home ages ago. She should go home herself, but she was so close to getting February done…

"Regina?" Emma Swan's voice carried just ahead of the woman herself. "Are you still here?" She was dressed in her Sheriff's uniform, something which she did during night shifts after she realized drunks being hauled out of the White Rabbit actually seemed to respect the uniform. It looked pretty good on her--brass buttons and all.

Regina rubbed her head again. "Just trying to clear February." She gestured to the papers scattered before her. "I think I finally found where Snow took the funding for paperclips."

Emma laughed. "You look tired."

Regina's stomach growled again.

"And hungry," Emma added. She smiled. "Good thing I brought snacks."

"You did?" Regina said, surprised.

"Well, I saw your light on earlier, and Henry mentioned you'd been really busy. So I thought maybe I'd stop by." She held up a bag and a paper cup.

"Please tell me that's not decaf," Regina said, unable to filter her reaction into something more polite.

"Of course not!" Emma replied, mock-offended. She set down the bag and gave Regina the coffee.

Regina took a sip and almost moaned; it was like she could feel the caffeine filtering through her body to her brain. "Thank you," she said fervently. 

Emma shrugged. "No problem. I gotta get back to my patrol, but there's a thing of chicken salad in there--I didn't think even you would want kale at this time of night." She turned to go.

"Miss Swan!" Regina called, and Emma turned back. "Really, thank you."

Emma grinned. "I've got the night shift all weekend, so I'll see you tomorrow." She grabbed an apple from the basket near the door and ducked out before Regina could formulate a reply to that statement.

Regina tilted her head at the empty doorway. What on earth prompted this kind of thing from Emma? She shrugged and turned back to her paperwork, finishing February in much less time than she had thought possible before turning out the light and heading home.

The next night was basically a repeat of the first, just with April (March had bitten the dust during the day, thank God.) And although Regina hadn't expected her to, Emma showed up just after midnight with coffee and a tiny pot pie in hand. 

Tonight, she wore a blue shirt with a long silver necklace Regina hadn't seen before. The pendant, a two-dimensional horse, swung over Regina's desk as Emma put the pie and coffee down.

"You don't look very Sheriff-like tonight," Regina commented.

Emma glowered. "Well, Andy puked on my shirt last night. And Larry puked on my spare earlier tonight."

Regina winced. "Well, I hope no other drunks cross your path tonight."

"Me, too," Emma said, already by the door. She took another apple, tossing it up and catching it before giving Regina a little salute and leaving.

"Thank you!" Regina called after her.

Emma didn't respond, but Regina heard a loud crunch, presumably as Emma ate her apple.

Again, Regina finished her snack and work quickly and went home.

The next night Regina was distracted from June, now expecting Emma and looking up every few minutes to see if she was coming yet.

Sure enough, just after midnight, she heard Emma's footsteps in the hall. She looked up expectantly, but Emma's footsteps halted right before the door.

Regina was just about to call out when Emma poked her head in. "Hi," she said.

"Hello," Regina answered. 

"So… I have coffee for you, but you have to promise not to laugh."

Regina raised an eyebrow. "I will make no such promise."

Emma pouted. "Not even for coffee?"

Regina held out a hand.

Emma sighed and shuffled around the corner.

Regina laughed. 

Emma glared. "You don't deserve this coffee."

"What are you wearing?" Regina asked.

It was a gold jumpsuit with a distinctly 70s vibe, from the collar to the wide bell-bottom pants. Emma's hair was stick-straight, and she had on enormous gold platform shoes.

"I lost a bet yesterday. This is my punishment." Emma plucked at the fabric of the jumpsuit. "I've been telling everyone that we had a costume party in the Sheriff's office before I went on shift and I haven't had time to change."

"A costume party with yourself and the drunk tank? Has anyone bought that story?"

Emma rolled her eyes. "Well, so far people have been either too drunk to think about it or laughing too hard to care. Or both"

"What was the bet?"

Emma set down the coffee and a plain white takeout bag. "Not important." Her denial--and the fact that she was here dressed in that costume--made it clear it was an interesting story.

Regina said, "I'm surprised your father allowed you to wear it tonight instead of during the day sometime."

"Oh, it wasn't David who--" Emma stopped. She glared at Regina. "Nuh uh. Nice try."

Regina smiled. 

Emma backed up toward the doorway. "I'm going to go now. Without saying another word." She made it all the way out into the hall without taking her eyes off Regina, who continued to look as innocent as it was possible for her to look--which wasn't very.

Regina called out after her, "I'll find out eventually!"

"No way!" Emma called back, sounding as if she was already halfway down the stairs.

Regina turned back to the bag and opened it. Inside was a fruit tart. 

Fruit. Apples. Emma hadn't taken an apple tonight.

Regina, not knowing quite why she was doing it, got up, retrieved an apple from the basket, and hurried over to her window. She opened it and leaned out, spying Emma just leaving the front entrance below.

"Emma!" 

Emma looked up, eyes wide.

Regina smiled. "You forgot your apple."

She tossed the apple--and then, because she could, she changed it mid-air, the color shifting from a deep red to gold.

Emma caught it reflexively, although she almost dropped it. Well, it was likely a lot heavier than she would have expected. "What did you do to it?" She called.

"Now it matches your outfit," Regina said.

Emma laughed. "But… how am I supposed to eat it?"

Regina shrugged. "You have magic. Figure it out!"

Emma looked at it, then pretended to shine it on the shoulder of her jumpsuit.

"Thank you, I guess," Emma said.

Regina smirked, pulled herself back through the window, and closed it. She went back to her paperwork, only tonight she couldn't seem to concentrate. She found herself wondering why Emma had chosen to stop by not just once but every night since Thursday. And tonight would be her own last late night, since June was the end of their fiscal year. 

Why did that disappoint her? She was usually about ready to set her office on fire by this point in their audits. Tonight she wished she had another month to go. 

Her clocked chimed one, and she started. Looking down at her papers, she realized she only had a few more minutes' worth, and half her tart left to eat. She took care of the tart first and then put the rest of the report together. 

It was barely one-thirty when it was all done. She brushed off crumbs her desk with a sigh. Now she could enjoy a relaxing Sunday with Henry, a full night's sleep, and then go into Monday morning meetings with a clean slate.

She left, keeping an eye out for Emma, but she didn't spy the Sheriff or her car before she arrived at home.

Monday morning came after a lazy, indulgent Sunday, and Regina found herself willing if not exactly eager to get into her office. Her assistant nodded to her as she passed, and Regina reached in to turn on her light, a flash of something catching her eye from the desk.

On her desk lay not one but three gleaming gold apples. On top of them was a tented card with her name facing her.

Regina walked over and picked up the card. Inside was a simple message: _I give up._

As if on cue, her phone rang. Regina answered it and said, "Hello, Emma."

"Okay, before you say anything, I swear I tried to fix it, but then I had another apple, and then when I tried to undo whatever I did, I made another one, and I thought I better stop there before my apartment floor caved in from the weight of hundreds of gold apples."

Regina chuckled.

"Anyway, I was thinking I'd drop by for lunch today and you could show me where I went wrong," Emma said.

Regina fingered one of the apples. "I don't think so," she said. 

"No?" She could almost see Emma shrug. "Tomorrow, then?"

Regina said, "What are you doing for dinner tonight?"

"Tonight? Um…" There was a long pause that Regina was reasonably sure meant Emma just didn't want to tell her "pizza in front of the TV."

"Um, nothing, I guess."

"Great," Regina said. "I'll pick you up at seven."

"Seven?" Emma said. "What--"

"Seven," Regina repeated. She took a deep breath. "And yes, it's a date."

She hung up because she was too nervous not to hang up. She stared at her phone. What had she just done? 

Her phone buzzed and she actually dropped it, though it only dropped as far as her desk. She picked it back up and unlocked the phone, clicking on the new text notification to find a single, smiley face emoji from Emma.


	31. The Thief and the Gold Digger Trophy Wife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> March 31: What’s your favorite alternate universe/reality way for them to meet?

Emma was a thief, pure and simple. 

She was only watching the background footage because she was so. insanely. bored. She already knew her part in this whole farce: infiltrate, pick the lock on the amazingly old-school safe hidden behind the moderately-expensive painting in the master bedroom, grab whatever was inside, and get out.

But the rest of the team was out doing setup today, and she was on reserve until the actual heist, so she picked up the remote and started working through it.

Leopold seemed like a decent enough guy, on the surface. He had a daughter he doted on (Emma was more than willing to bet she was a spoiled brat based purely on the fact that her pet charity was for endangered songbirds), a company he had built from the ground up, and a beautiful second wife. Picture-perfect man with a picture-perfect family. 

Except his whole company was built on a lie--he'd stolen the original patent from his best friend back in college and then done the same thing to half a dozen others over the next three decades.

The more Emma watched the footage, the more something bothered her. There was picture after picture of him with his daughter: charity balls, gallery openings, shopping at a Farmer's Market. There were a few pictures of him with his wife, but they looked posed. Cold. In every single one, she looked like she'd been carved from marble.

Gold digger trophy wife, Emma thought, and then she saw the footage from the daughter's birthday party, held just a week ago.

At first she thought the wife wasn't even in any of the footage. Then she spotted her, standing at the back of the room, totally expressionless. The camera panned by and her mask broke for one second--

Emma rewound the video.

Leopold was giving his speech, about how his daughter was so much like her mother, who had been so beautiful and kind and the love of his life--

And the beautiful second wife just barely flinched, abject misery pouring out through her mask, and then the mask was back on as she gave a small smile and lifted her glass for a toast.

Emma didn't plan the cons. She made suggestions when she had something to say, but the planning wasn't her thing. She followed the calls and improvised only when the shit hit the fan. But at that moment, she decided that she was going to have to make one tiny change to her objective for this one:

She was going to steal what was in that safe. And then she was going to steal Leopold's wife.


End file.
